Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room; well I'm here with you...

Dr. Morrison once made it a point to emphasize the proper way to interpret this famous quotation by Wordsworth: "Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotion."

The problem with this quotation, he said, was that people always took it out of context. The full quotation, as it is written in Preface to Lyrical Ballads is actually this: "Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotion recollected in tranquility".

That's kind of a big deal and I am of the opinion that it applies to prose as well as poetry. In fact, misrepresenting this quotation when writing prose is often worse, in my opinion, than when it occurs in poetry. I have been reading a lot of prose lately (granted, written by a random collection of people and filtered only be editors that seem to commit this same crime) that just sounds like it's a constant stream of consciousness. I don't know why some people are so struck by this type of writing. I guess it sounds more honest or "raw" (whatever that means), but seriously, it's terrible to read. The article doesn't lead up to a point, there's no structure to it, and when I read it, I just think that it's someone attempting to sound "honest" because clearly, you've had plenty of time to recollect and reflect. Sentence fragments can be useful if deploy sparingly in order to emphasize certain sentiments, but when your entire article is one fragment after another because that's the way your mind "works," then you're just spouting verbal diarrhea.

I kinda like that facebook has a "close friends" function. I have 7 close friends - 9 if you include my cousin and Dave, who doesn't book face. Now that's an interesting realization. At the same time, those names are the same people with whom I skype so I suppose that's about right.

Dave
Rachel
Courtney
Goddard
Ted
Christian
Grant
Pearl

Quality over quantity I guess. I don't really know what kind of criteria I used to determine this. I suppose "people I would expect wedding invitations from" works. It's a little frightening that that's the first thing that occurs to me but there you have it. I don't really want to live anywhere long term unless half of you on that list are also there. Any combination will do but it'd be nice if you all knew each other. That way we could create our own hilarious sitcom.

"I cannot imagine a world without sharks" - Yao Ming

Really? Can you really not even imagine a world without sharks? This has nothing to do with the extent to which I respect the species. Somehow, it doesn't seem so hard for me engage in this intellectual exercise.

Jack's Mannequin and Silver Linings

I want to write about Jack's Mannequin today because, well, let's be honest, that's just something I do every so often. As usual, I want to write about something that I think Andrew McMahon does particularly well. I do think it's a tribute to him as an artist that I am still realizing new things about his music that I admire so what it's worth... there's that.

On the topic of songs, there are, in my opinion, two paths you can take to writing amazing lyrics. First, you can write about love and life and express sentiments that, as my friend Grant once said, would frighten you a little bit if it weren't for the fact that they are song lyrics. You can also, I think, write about love and life in a way that, while illuminating how absolutely sad and horrible they can be, also suggests that this doesn't make them any less worthy of being fought for; that sometimes, you have to try for all the world is worth to prove that you give a damn. This is something Andrew McMahon does quite well - write sad lyrics that are not hopeless or too heavy-handed in their misery.

I first thought of this idea when I heard Holiday From Real and was struck by the following lines:

"A safety buzz, and some cheap red wine,
Oh the trouble we could get in so let's screw this one up right."

This was back in 2007/2008 and I thought about what it meant to "screw this one up right". To me, they hearkened to the many failures in life and love that I had had - all the relationships that never panned out; all the fickle/flaky friends; the poor marks I got on assignments; the choice to live with people whose lifestyles turned out to clash with my own - and how important it was to not only come to peace with the fact that life isn't perfect, but also live in such a way that you could at least say that you didn't half-ass the attempt. You knew you were getting yourself into hot water as soon as you woke up to the realization that you liked someone, but if nothing else, at least prove that love is worth feeling, even if it burns your world down.

Fast forward a few years and on his second album, Andrew McMahon pens Hammers and Strings and tells a story that reads as follows:

"My friend calls me up; she says 'How have you been?'
I say, 'Dear, I've been well; yeah the money's come in,
But I miss you like hell; I still hear you in this old piano.'

She says, 'Andy I know that we don't talk as much
But I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs.
Write me song; give me something to trust,
Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touch.'"

I could focus in on the line, Dear, I've been well; yeah the money's come in / But I miss you like hell; I still hear you on this old piano because it does remind me of exactly the kind of thing I've been saying to Rachel these days. Still, I've always thought that the line, She says Andy I know that we don't talk as much / but I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs was the poetic focus of those verses.

Sometimes, we lose the battle in life and love. We break up with people we once, and may still, love and care for deeply. We lose touch with people. Best friends fade to acquaintances; old friends move away. The silver lining in all this is that no one can ever take away the history you've shared with these people. Sometimes, a familiar smell, a picture from the past, or an "old punk rock club" can trigger the memory of something you once had or felt. And maybe, rather than mourn the fact that love fades or times change, we should be thankful that we at least had the chance to experience them.

Things happens, sometimes without reason. At the end of the day, I guess the only thing we can do is to try to be and see the good, even if the results are disheartening at worst and fleeting at best. And when life beats you down - and it will - take solace in the things you've had and the fact that you only lost something because you risked something. That might not sound like very much but hey, when you don't have a lot, a little can be enough.

A sign that I'm growing up: I no longer rip boxes/packaging open without first checking to see if there's a "proper" way of opening it (perforated edges, nicks in the plastic, etc).

Jon Wong's first totally rational thoughts when he sees a parent approach him on meet the parent night/P.T. interviews:

"Please don't eat me!"

I have switched from No-name brand orange juice to Tropicana. Moving up in life!

Jon Wong on paying for dates.

Christ, it's been almost forever since I've felt qualified to talk about this. A number of years ago (I imagine it was something like first year), I got into a long discussion about this idea of paying for dates. If memory serves me correctly, I held this conversation with Jessica McAdam because she was one of the first people I had known who insisted on splitting the bill. Back then, my response to this was simple: I will always offer to pay but I won't insist on doing so more than twice. So the possible scenarios ran as such:

Scenario 1:
No dialogue. I pay the bill without argument.

Scenario 2:
Me: I'll get it.
Girl: Are you sure?/We can split it.
Me: No no, my treat.
Girl: Ok.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'll get it.
Girl: We can split it.
Me: No no, my treat.
Girl: No, really. I'd like to split the bill.
Me: Ok.

That's pretty much it. I figured that I've covered most of my ground by doing this - I genuinely would like to pay for the bill but if your preferences contradict my preferences, I'm ok if we split. Besides, I've always been of the opinion that arguing over the bill is idiotic. A lot of it comes from chinese culture where people fight wars over who gets the bill because of the whole honor/dishonor thing. Growing up, I watched my parents battle it out with their friends over who pays the bills and personally, I always found that rather stupid. I mean, sure, offer to pay the bill - but why ARGUE over it. Seriously, that's dumb. Flat out.

Now, I know going on a date is different than going out to dinner with family friends. Nonetheless, I carried the same type of mindset into dates. I will offer to pay - and even offer twice in case it's necessary for whatever arbitrary reason - but I won't insist on it. Frankly, I always just told people that if you're the kind of girl who will make a decision about me based on an inconsistent and arbitrary social convention (I believe those were my exact words), then we're probably not going to work out.

All this is to say, I would LIKE to pay for the bill on a first date; particularly if I'm the one who's asked the girl out. I mean, that seems to make sense. If I'm asking you out on a date, then it would follow that I'm prepared to foot the bill. However, I don't care enough about it to fight with a girl over the bill. Furthermore, I have now matured to the point where I can properly articulate why the whole thing is silly.

Here is the fundamental truth about any healthy relationship: it will all even itself out in the end. I mean, all this argument over "Oh, I like guys who pay because it makes me feel like they're taking care of me." "You're setting feminism back thousands of years; take care of yourself, silly girl!" "Guys are wired to be protective" "Equality something or the other..." you're missing the point. In the end, paying for the date just means I want to do something nice for you - I want to treat you and make you feel special. The fact that I use money as a means to accomplish this doesn't mean anything. When I feel like crap and a girl spends 2 hours talking to me, trying to make me feel like my happiness matters to her, do I have to "split the bill" metaphorically and insist on spending the next 2 hours reciprocating the gesture?

At the end of the day, it's about putting time, effort, and energy into caring for each other and being happy/fulfilled, together. Sometimes, you'll need money to create a shared experience. That shared experience is no more valuable to your relationship than any other shared experience just because it involves money. I mean, so I take a girl out and I pay for dinner. Then she takes me out to a lakefront so we can watch fireworks. As far as I'm concerned, we're square. If she wants to go to the theater to see a movie and pays for us both, that doesn't concern me either - I'm sure I'll think of something else down the line that we'd both enjoy and if it costs money, I'll pay for it then. If it doesn't, whatever; we'll still go and have a good time.

As long as you're both focused on being spending time with each other and taking joy from the other person's happiness, it'll even itself out in the end. It really will. If you're worried about appearing dependent or "unable to take care of yourself," then you're really not giving your significant other the benefit of the doubt. I want the girl I'm dating to feel happy, safe, and fulfilled - why should I feel like she wants anything other than the same for me?